Born into Arda Marred (June 2014)

The world has been plunged into darkness. The Black Foe of the World long ago destroyed the light. There are a few of us that carry some memory of the way that things were, in our blood or spirit. However, there are many that were born into this darkness and have accepted it as the norm. In a way, they are corrupted by it, much like Tolkien's Orcs. This realm has been shaped by the forces of darkness, for those same forces. Those of us who are more like remnants of Elves or noble Men do not belong to this damned age. We struggle to survive in a world where everything is so wrong and goes against our very nature. We often find ourselves at odds with every aspect of this existence, simply because this is not our world. The Dark Lord triumphed ages ago. 

Nearly everything in this world has been corrupted. The evil and vile servants of darkness have made it all theirs. Everything is a lie. The masses are either empty vessels merely animated by the will of the Dark Lord to do his bidding, or weak-minded filth that abandoned any concept of "right" in order to get by a little easier. All of the rules have been bent and twisted to favour the false and dishonourable. Things that we see as right and appropriate are now looked down upon and treated as wrong. All previous morals have been reversed, even if those in control still pay lip-service to certain ideas. That is the way of the world, to say one thing and to do another. Only the lying and cheating scum manage to improve their lot in this hell. Yet, for some of us, this is unacceptable. 

Many may be confused and have little idea how to proceed amidst such chaos. Which path should one follow? To uphold some sense of decency and to do what feels right to them, or to follow the herd and to break whatever rules necessary to get another inch or two ahead. At what point does one completely compromise their sense of right and wrong when it has become clear that seemingly no one else is playing by the rules? There is no possibility of changing things within the system, for the system is corrupt and designed by those very forces that oppress and manipulate us. The only choice then is to bring it down, to accelerate its decay and to destroy it utterly. Everything is crumbling, and even the rat-like masses can sense it, and they scurry about and cut a few more corners and stab one another in the back a bit more often, trying to get a better position for themselves before it comes. Is it more noble then to adhere to one's own sense of morality and justice, whether or not it comes into conflict with what we are told and no matter how much it works against us? Or do we give in, join their ranks and let go of our principles just to forgo the pointless struggle against that which we cannot hope to defeat and can only await its demise? Perhaps, it is better to go down fighting and remaining true to oneself, than to bend the knee and to sell out, in an effort to reach for the possibility of an easier existence within the world of Orcs. While it may be difficult to remain honourable in a dishonourable world, deep down those few of us know that this world is not for us anyway.

On Heeding the Call of the Blood (May 2014)

The immigration systems in many European countries are completely backward. Time and again, I have seen the results of this, firsthand. "Poor refugees" from Africa and the Middle East are welcomed in with open arms, given all the help that they need and rewarded for failing to make a life in their own lands by receiving an instant life where they don't belong. On the other hand, actual citizens of these countries are treated like outsiders, in some cases, and suffer neglect at every turn. It is much the same in the United States, where immigrants are encouraged to come and start up businesses and to study for free or to receive government assistance. Meanwhile, their own people starve in the streets. 

Ever since the end of WWII, it seems that governments of white/European nations have actively undermined the security and survival of their own people. They prefer to give aid to other countries before straightening their own houses, so to speak. They not only allow, but welcome, the lowliest of immigrants (rarely are the highly educated and well-mannered of each country the ones to go pouring through the gates into Europe and the US). They arrive and become a drain on the social welfare system and also end up being responsible for many crimes, such as rape. Not long ago, it was reported that one in four girls in Sweden will be raped in her lifetime, and the primary criminals are non-Swedes. Looking up crime statistics in the US shows that non-whites make up a small percentage of the population, yet a large percentage of the crimes are attributed to them. Yet our governments do nothing to protect us, rather they actively worsen the situation. In particular, European nations seem afraid to speak out against this and to do something about it, as the Nazi ghost still hangs over all of us of pale complexion. If we raise a hand to defend ourselves and our lands, we are instantly demonized. It appears that our entire race should simply cower in the corner and die quietly. 

As for the United States, it is mostly a giant toilet anyway and we need not care much for whatever fate befalls these cursed shores. However, the countries of Europe should do something to put a stop to the silent invasion that is eroding it from within and, instead, accept anyone from across the ocean with European ancestry and a desire to return home. I should not have to go through tons of red tape and bureaucratic nonsense to get residency within Europe. It has been less than a century since my forebears made the mistake of traveling over the western sea. My white skin is enough of an indicator of where I belong and we should all be given the opportunity to heed the call of our blood and to return to our ancestral homelands. The 90-day limit for Schengen area countries and the need for various permits to grant someone the right to stay are all a slap in the face to anyone of European ancestry. The fact that I have to sit quietly as someone from Iran tells me that I don't have the proper paperwork to remain in Europe, while they somehow have more right to do so than I, is infuriating. Each time, I end up having to return to an alien land where I do not belong, in a holding pattern for at least three months, waiting to be "allowed" back in by people who prefer to welcome in criminals from Africa ahead of educated, civil descendants of Europe.

Each race has a right to its own homeland. Europe is ours. I, and those like me, have more right to return home than these outsiders that abuse the system and often make the cities unsafe for actual citizens that belong there. The nations of Europe need to grow a backbone and to close the doors to these outlanders and to open them up to those of us that desire to go home, having had enough of living in the wastelands beyond the sea. We should not be condemned to suffer in this wretched "melting pot" of emptiness, surrounded by brain-dead, Judeo-Christian imbeciles, loosened jungle savages and illiterate white trash. Let them have their American nightmare. We wish to heed the call of our blood and to permanently return to Europe, where we rightfully belong.

On Living with Pain (May 2014)

Pain is an ever-present part of existence. Some experience it from time to time, only on occasion, while others of us suffer with it at every moment. When severe, it limits the things that we can do, whether they be for pleasure or survival itself. Intense pain can hinder us from working in order to make a living, thus depriving us of the ability to take care of ourselves. As well, such physical agony can destroy us mentally. All the while, ruining our relationships with others as a nasty byproduct. Others may feel sympathetic, at times, but they never truly understand unless they experience it themselves. (If a person falls down, everyone gets worried, but when he remains there for a long time, they get used to it, or even bothered.)

Life was extremely difficult for me, from the very beginning, but since accumulating various injuries, it has become nearly unbearable and impossible to maintain any sense of what others would consider normal. While working on my degree, I took a fair number of mindless physical labour jobs, since nothing else was available. Each of these consisted of a good amount of heavy lifting and constant movement and intense effort, usually anywhere from ten to fifteen hours a night and, often, for stretches of two weeks at a time with no days off. whenever injuries did occur, the shady management (illegally) avoided following procedures that would have allowed me to seek medical treatment immediately. Instead, I continued working through the injuries, unaware of my rights. In addition to the harsh labour, I was also involved in a series of car accidents that increased in severity with each one (seemingly, I had a target on my back). By the end of 2008, I was no longer able to even attempt working. My back was a wreck, my knee was in such pain that even walking for a short while caused me to limp, and the nerve pains in my arms left me unable to grasp objects much of the time. The excessive pain even kept me from being able to sleep for more than an hour or so at a time. The result of all of this meant that I no longer had a home, since I was unable to work and thus considered useless. (Equally worthless was the degree that I'd earned, in medieval European history). The economic recession did nothing to help matters, either. 

In the years since this all reached its peak, I have suffered endlessly. Being unable to climb out of this hole all on my own, I have been forced to give the benefit of the doubt and trust those that have come along and promised to at least throw down a rope so that I could pull myself out. At some point or another, everyone needs help. Yet, when it became apparent that I was in need of assistance, no one was there for me. "Friends" disappeared and new acquaintances only lied and took advantage of me, for one sick reason or another. After finally seeking government assistance, I was rejected for being the wrong colour, initially. After struggling for quite some time, I was finally thrown a few scraps in the form of barely enough money to keep fuel in my car and a bit of food in my stomach, and health care that was so lousy only the worst doctors accepted it. Of course, repairing my many injuries was not worth their time, so I remained in pain. Those that genuinely did try to become close with me were either tired out from the strain of being around someone in total and complete misery, or just became desensitized to it after a while, as if constant suffering was somehow normal for me. I had only one friend that was there for me during recent years, one who was cursed with a very similar existence and knew all too well what a life of pain was like, but he passed away a little over one year ago. 

The pain has even affected me creatively, as I am often unable to write much at all. This has had a drastic effect on the content of this website, as well as a few attempts to pursue writing as a career. As well, the injuries have left me unable to pick up instruments anymore, so I am forced to rely on others to record the music for my various bands and projects, only being able to perform vocals. Naturally, this means that long periods of time pass where I would have written and recorded the music in no time, were I able to. 

After some years, it became possible to get a bit of medical coverage and to begin taking a medication that was able to make some of the nerve pain more bearable, at least. However, this medication is very expensive and the various times that the soulless government has randomly cut me off, with no reason given, I have either had to struggle to find a way to keep up with the meds or ended up extremely sick for lengthy periods of time, with massive dizziness and nausea, electric shocks in my head and up and down my arms, increased thoughts of suicide, hysterical mood swings that came with no warning and almost no sleep at all. It was pure hell, to say the least. 

As for my mental state, anyone with severe depression knows how difficult the simplest of things can be, already. Add multiple injuries on top of it, and life can become nearly impossible. There have been times where I was in such pain that I had to be physically helped up in the mornings and dragged to the bathroom, for example. This takes its toll on the one helping, but even moreso for the person that has been reduced to such a nothing that he cannot even manage to get himself up out of bed without assistance. In this modern age, a man can hardly be a man anymore as it is, due to the various laws and customs and just the overall shift in culture that has taken place in the past twenty years or so. But when you are physically unable to do things that you should be capable of, it is really damaging to the psyche. Imagine being a man, going to pick up some groceries with your girlfriend, and then having to let her carry the heavier bags despite her being half your size, because it would cause you a lot of extra pain to do so. Or trying to find a somewhat less-painful position to sit in and then having to ask for someone to prepare your food (when there is any to begin with) because it is too tiring to manage and moving would be too agonizing. This is entirely depressive for a man to have to go through, unable to even feel like a real man anymore. 

Depression, alone, makes it hard to manage even simple things. Injuries and endless pain make those activities more difficult than some might imagine. Then the circle continues, as this deepens the depression and makes the person suffering from such pain feel absolutely worthless in every possible way. To go from trying to remain honourable in a dishonourable world, striving to improve myself and crippling myself to pay for an education and then end up living in my car for stretches of time, occasionally having to steal food to survive and all for nothing, as the immense pain and misery never go away... I have no idea why I am not yet dead. Even more discouraging is the fact that I know there are plenty of people out there that have it just the same or even far worse. So, I know that there is no help coming, just like there is none for most of them. Life is not a Disney movie. People have existed for no reason, suffered horribly and died alone for thousands of years. I am neither the first nor the last. 

Perhaps, this is all pointless. There is no solution for my situation. I am on my own and doomed to a fate that I cannot escape. However, if you are close to a person that is struggling against similar circumstances, make an effort to be more understanding and sympathetic. Stop scrolling through pointless things on your smartphones for a little while and be considerate of those in your life. Never assume that their condition is "normal" just because it has persisted for a long time. If you actually care, do what you can to make their lives better, not worse, and be glad that you get to live your life without immense debilitating pain.

On Suicide (July 2013)

Suicide is a very controversial subject, to say the least. Just the word, itself, stirs up a lot of strong feelings in many people. There is something very powerful about the act of going against every natural instinct for self-preservation and making the decision to end your own life. Every creature on earth, no matter how large or small, will do anything in its power to continue to survive. The same is true for most humans. This explains why so many will opt to persist even if they are kept alive by machines and have absolutely zero quality of life. Yet the act of committing suicide is to cast away these chains and to overcome the dominant instinct that is a characteristic of every living thing on the planet. As well, it is to conquer the fear of the unknown; the fear of death that so frequently is the only reason a lot of people fight, claw, and scratch to prolong their existence. But some are more than willing to accept death. They not only look forward to it, they seek to hasten its arrival.

Of course, there are many reasons for suicide. Often, it is a matter of complete hopelessness; of enduring absolutely unbearable pain, whether it be mental or physical or both, with no end in sight. In such cases, killing oneself may be the only logical choice, regardless of how hard it is for others to accept this. At times, there may be no clear indications of why a person is miserable, as they may be very depressed despite not having such bad circumstances. Some people are simply more "awake" than the masses. They see the world around them from a completely different perspective. In fact, they see something entirely different from what most others see. That is not to say that they are more intelligent, though it is often the case. These people see through the illusion of this world and are horrified by it. What they see is the utter nightmare that this world truly is. Unconcerned with the trivial things that distract so many, they can feel the true emptiness of the modern age. They can sense the pointlessness of everything. No matter what we do, in the end, it is all meaningless. Living in this false realm is seen as a curse to such individuals. When coupled with deeper mental and/or physical agony, it may be too much to bear.

Suicide is looked down upon for many reasons. One of the major causes for this is that others are too afraid to follow the same path. Misery loves company and those who are too afraid to leave this world behind, and wish to cling to whatever false hopes they can, are bothered to see some that refuse to participate in the great lie. Usually, they do not even like to associate with someone that sees through it all and speaks the truth. It shakes their own fragile existence and the untruths that it is built upon. They fear those who take things into their own hands and end their lives because, deep down, they know that they could never do such a thing. This also cheapens life, in a sense, shattering yet another illusion for those that want to think that human life is so precious and special. For someone to reject this "gift" and to go into the unknown, it somehow makes those left behind feel even more weak and afraid. They come up with many excuses, telling suicidal people to think of those that they will be saddened by their choice. Yet what are those people doing to make things better? It is asinine to think that someone continue to suffer and exist in pure hell just for the purpose of sparing others the temporary sadness that would come as a result of their suicide. Anyone that truly cares, if they cannot help a suicidal person, should at least be understanding enough to not let their selfish desires get in the way.

One of the reasons that suicide is looked down upon is simply because there are a lot of people that do it for no reason. Or, rather, they do it for the wrong reason. I do not agree with those that end their lives based on nothing more than an extreme emotional reaction to something. A teenage girl that kills herself because a classmate called her ugly or a young boy that shoots himself because his first girlfriend dumped him would both be examples of senseless deaths. They often call suicide a permanent solution for temporary problems. In those cases, that is very accurate. However, when a person has problems that simply have no solution, it is a different matter altogether. Even the most idiotic people sort of understand when a terminally ill person chooses to die. Unfortunately, there are other instances where a person is completely hopeless and has no chance for a decent life, but they are scorned because they don't happen to have a recognizable disease. Sometimes, a person simply realizes that there is no hope. Even someone of fairly average intelligence should be able to recognize patterns and to use logic to predict what will happen. When one has been trapped in an endless cycle of suffering, for years and years, even a complete idiot can realize that it is not likely to change. Obviously, trying different approaches to solve the problems and alleviate the misery might be beneficial. One should not opt for suicide without trying everything they possibly can. Once all of those options are exhausted, reaching out to others for help is the next step, though degrading. Whether begging help from friends, family, social welfare institutions, etc. these things should at least be attempted. If outside assistance still fails to change the circumstances in any possible manner, then it is rather safe to say that the course is unalterable and that one can either accept their fate and suffer until they gradually grow old and die, or they can take things into their own hands and still do whatever necessary to end the agony.

It may be hard for many to accept, but sometimes dead is better. After suffering a lifetime of misfortunes; i.e. physical and mental abuse, molestation, neglect, homelessness, abandonment, injuries, constant physical pain, severe depression, lack of friends or family to provide any sort of safety net and so on, one may rightfully look at the evidence and conclude that nothing is going to get better. Year after year of things only getting worse, with no sign of improvement and no new ideas or strategies and no one to offer help, would appear to indicate that one could expect only more of the same. Naysayers will often point out that they know of someone that came from an even more brutal background and still managed to overcome it all to make a pleasant life. It may be true that "Mr. X", down the street or on the other side of the planet, had worse circumstances and and even more difficult life. Some have it better than others and some have it worse. Yet that does not change anything. Not all people are equipped with the same tools and coping mechanisms, for one. In addition, nearly every person that I have ever heard such a tale from also went on to say how they would never have survived to make it if one or more people had not helped them along the way. Whether with advice or support or more concrete forms of assistance, there is almost always some other person that intervened and aided them in their rise from the abyss. When someone is completely alone, lost in the dark with no idea where to go or what to do or who to turn to, only misled by liars and those who would take advantage of the situation rather than help... there comes a point where that person should assess the situation and to decide if there is any chance of repairing things or if continuing to exist will only prolong their pointless suffering. For those that are weak-minded and fearful, it may be about quantity over quality. Even serving a life sentence in prison and being raped on a daily basis may be preferable to death for most. Still, some people simply cannot accept this. Surviving just to suffer, with no chance of escaping this hell, is just not worth it. Increasing pain and deepening depressing, with no real hope of bettering things is pure hell and is no way to live. In fact, it is not even worth being called "life". So then, if one is not truly alive, is it even possible for them to die?

When existence is so empty, save for the pain, agony, misery, despair, sorrow, loss, hopelessness, hunger, solitude, homelessness and so on, is it not better to put an end to this? For those that have used their brains to their fullest extent and still failed to solve such problems and to improve their conditions, as well as reached out to anyone and everyone that they possibly could (to no avail), I think it is perfectly acceptable for them to then consider the only option that they have left. It is not even a matter of seeking happiness and love and fulfillment and success and all of that. The point is that if someone is in constant torment -- physically, mentally and emotionally -- there is always one final option when all others have failed. Death solves all problems. Like the title of the well-known Dissection instrumental says, "no dreams breed in breathless sleep". When death has come, all nightmares end. The torment is over. For some, there are other methods of escaping the countless horrors of this existence. Yet for others, there is only one path to lead them beyond this hell.

A Tribute to David Parland (Mar. 2013)

 

On the 19th of March, the Metal community lost one of the most gifted musicians to emerge from Sweden during the formative years of the Black and Death Metal scene of the early '90s. David Parland's musical legacy cannot be denied. He was responsible for the creation of both Necrophobic and Dark Funeral, among other bands. Though each has gone on their own paths since parting ways with him, it is safe to say that neither band would exist today without the impressive foundation laid down by this man. For that, members and fans of both bands owe this man a debt of gratitude.

Like many teens in the 1980s, David took an early interest in Metal, starting with traditional bands but soon gravitating toward the more extreme side of things. With a passion for the likes of Bathory, Slayer and Morbid Angel, he picked up the guitar and taught himself how to play. Already in high school, he formed his first bands. Eventually, with Joakim Sterner and Stefan Zander, Necrophobic was formed. One could tell, even from the Slow Asphyxiation demo that this band had something that most of their peers were lacking. By the time they released their first full-length, The Nocturnal Silence, it was clear that Necrophobic had something very special. Much of this should be attributed to David's songwriting brilliance. It was his sense of melody and his way of conveying the darkness that he felt in this world that made those songs what they are. With so much creativity within him, David was not content to just play Satanic Death Metal. Soon after, he joined with Ahriman and formed one of Sweden's best-known Black Metal bands, Dark Funeral. With the self-titled E.P. and The Secrets of the Black Arts, he created enough momentum that this band is still going today, despite the severe decline in quality since his departure. Within a short time, he had left both bands, even though he'd written the majority of the material for Necrophobic's sophomore effort, Darkside. The reason cited was that there were personal differences. Anyone that has ever made music with David will say that he can be difficult to work with, at times. I know this from our time working on a project a couple years ago. The thing that people may not realize is that he was a perfectionist. He had a true artistic vision and could not accept anything less than 100% effort from those around him because that is what he gave, himself. Music was not a casual hobby for him. It was the greatest passion of his life. This was quite evident when he spoke of his intentions for Infernal. Though the band only released a few extended plays, he was determined to put together a full-length album. The truth is, he could have done so years ago, but he did not feel that all of the ingredients were right. If the line-up or the material did not completely meet his expectations, there was no way that he would release an album just for the sake of doing so. He believed in quality over quantity. Anyone familiar with his work should already know this. And, really, his musical career is well-documented and there is little than I can say that would be news for anyone. But I would like to speak a little about David Parland, as a human.

David and I met during, what can be considered, the darkest periods of each our lives. The first time that I spoke to him, it was the typical sort of contact that one would expect, merely expressing my gratitude for the music that he had created and how important it had been for me. He soon saw my website, initially to see what had been written of his bands, then reading much more and complimenting my work. After some time, our conversations went beyond music. We discussed the various trials and tribulations of existing in this world. Each of us were at very low points and struggling just to remain alive, trying to cope with unbelievable amounts of misery and solitude, enduring great pain (mental and physical) as well. Through this darkness, we bonded and became as brothers, each finally finding someone with which to share every single thought, not worried about being misunderstood or criticized. Even if we were just feeling completely hopeless or frustrated with every aspect of life, we could rant to one another and find some compassion and even encouragement to continue on. Many nights, we would practically write short novels to one another, back and forth, for hours on end. Due to nerve damage, I could not always write for a long time without suffering in agony, so I began making voice recordings from time to time, in place of emails. He responded by making videos with his phone, talking to me for an hour or two at a time. For a long while, this was the most human interaction either of us had. Anyone that has been in a similar situation can probably understand how important it is to find someone that truly understands and can empathize with you. To encounter someone that sees the world in a very similar way and thinks and feels the same, as well as experiencing the same kind of problems... there was something very comforting in this. No matter how many people abandoned or mistreated us in our time of need, we were always able to reach out to one another and know that we could find some sort of understanding and friendship, even if we were on opposite sides of the ocean.

There were several times when I was ready to give up on life, and David was there for me as a true friend. He didn't hesitate to make an international call and cost himself $200 to speak to me and make sure that I was alright and stable enough to not do anything dangerous. Though we each talked and thought of death a lot, we would often try to give encouraging words to the other. There were also times when I had nowhere to stay and no money for food, and he sold off some musical equipment to get money to wire to me, so that I could get a room for a few nights or to feed myself. He really was like an older brother, looking out for me. I tried to do the same and return the favour whenever I was able, later getting and sending him one of the pieces of equipment that he had earlier sacrificed for me. The truth is, I could never repay him for what his friendship has meant to me over the past five years or so.

The last time I visited him was this past November. The tone of our typically sombre messages changed drastically, the moment that I told him that I was on my way. He was more excited than I had seen him, probably ever. During my few weeks there, we managed to hang out about every other night. There wasn't a whole lot to do, and we were both in too much pain to get out to the forest or cemeteries and walk around for too long. Still, we managed to visit various pubs and coffee shops and to spend countless hours talking and actually sharing some laughs. He had a great sense of humour and when he smiled his eyes seemed two decades younger. He spoke fondly of the past, his deeper involvement in the music scene some years earlier, rehearsing with his bands, playing live and so on. Similarly, his face would light up when he began talking about his plans for Infernal, how he wanted to get his life back on track and focus on his music, as well as the Bathory tribute album that he had been pouring so much time and effort into. He was so lively and seemed more awake than ever before. Even though it was often tough to get him motivated to get up and get out, once I did, I think it was really good for him. One night, we ran into some members of a local band and ended up going back to their rehearsal space for some hours, though they had no idea who David was. As we were talking about music, one of them mentioned Necrophobic and I pointed out that they were sitting in the same room with the man that created that band. He was too modest to bother speaking up first and telling people of his accomplishments. But once they found out, they were asking him questions and he was smiling and sharing more stories. At one point, someone handed him a guitar and he began playing various songs, from old Bathory and Slayer to Necrophobic and Infernal. For us, a couple of bitter misanthropes to be socializing with strangers and having a nice time, this was unexpected for each of us. And yet it was a really great night that extended until about 5am. It showed that were were both capable of functioning a little better, if only life would cut us a break once in a while. 

Not long after this, my depression reared its ugly head again, partially because I knew that I would not be able to remain there in a place where I actually had some purpose and friendship, and would have to return to an existence of absolute nothingness. David was the only one to see the warning signs and was texting me constantly, to check on me. When he was unable to reach me for some hours (due to me not having credits on the phone), he got very worried and was calling every place that we regularly visited to see if I was there. He even called the police, trying to see if they had any information, as he suspected the worst. When we finally met up, he was very much shaken and I could tell how stressed he had been, not being able to contact me after my extremely negative message. The following week, the pain and hopelessness got to be too much for me and I ended up attempting to end my life anyway. David Parland was the only person that was there for me and the only one that cared. He knew exactly what I was feeling and understood completely, yet he still didn't want to see his friend die. Even in recent months, as we bother continued to get hit with one more terrible thing after another, we remained in contact and tried to be supportive in whatever way possible. Being on another continent and unable to return to Sweden as soon as I'd have liked, I made attempts to contact various acquaintances and ex-bandmates of his to let them know that he was in bad shape and urging them to reach out to him and to help. Most of those messages were ignored, while some of the replies that I received were nothing but apathetic. I can't help but feel bitter toward those that knew him longer and were actually close by, yet did nothing. That certainly wasn't the kind of half-hearted friendship that he deserved. I've often said that when people look at someone in need and say that they "wish they could help", that the truth is that they would only do so if it was 100% convenient and required no sacrifice on their part. David understood what real friendship was. He didn't turn his back on those in need, as most people do. I want to extend my most genuine gratitude toward those few people that truly offered him friendship and support in his final days.

David Parland was the kind of man that, while he was opinionated and tough to work with sometimes, he would do anything in his power for those that he cared about. He may have been misanthropic toward the masses, in general, but he was fully capable of caring for people on an individual basis. He was even forgiving to those that caused him massive grief and, maybe, didn't deserve his forgiveness. A lot of people know him for his musical contributions and, it is true, he has left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. Many will mourn him only as someone they looked up to or because he's no longer around to record more music for them to appreciate. But those of us that knew him on a deeper level, we know that he was more than just a brilliant songwriter. He was an intelligent, thoughtful, funny, generous, kind and understanding man that suffered far too much in this rotten world and has gone far too early. He often said that he would not live to an old age, but that he at least wanted a few good years; to record and release one more album with Infernal and to find love and settle down for a while. Though his final days were incredibly difficult, it seemed that some of these things were beginning to fall into place. He deserved a chance at a peaceful life. He's now lost that. And I have lost more than a friend. I've lost a brother.

He will be forever missed. Let us honour his memory, always.

R.I.P. 26.9.70 - 19.3.13

In Opposition to Live Musical Performances (Dec. 2012)

Concerts are irritating endeavours. From the performance to the venue to the audience, there are too many variables in play to offer decent odds for having an enjoyable time. The primary purpose is for the band to give live renderings of their songs in an effort to build up a fanbase through increased exposure or simply for the appreciation of the fans that they have already acquired. A lot of people feel that experiencing such a thing is far more significant than just listening to the music on CD, as they actually get to see the band playing the music and for an exchange of energy between the musicians and the crowd. Under the right conditions, this could be an opportunity for something positive and memorable, yet in many cases it results in disappointment. Several bands realize this and refuse to play live, though they are often criticized by this by those that are not fully aware of the reasoning behind it.

First, the atmosphere is something that is overlooked by a lot of bands. Say what you will about the behaviour and attitudes of the band members, but a group like Watain seems to put a lot of effort into the overall presentation. Whether or not they are serious about their professed beliefs, the live show gives off the feeling that it is all genuine and they go a long way to help generate the right kind of vibe. That does not necessarily mean that every band has to use blood and rotten meat in their shows. However, aesthetics play a much larger role in the creation of the proper atmosphere than a lot of bands seem to realize. In the case of Watain, it makes perfect sense to use candles and rotting flesh and fire and so on, with even the stench of death adding to the feeling. Many musicians get lazy or think that their mere presence is enough, but that isn't so. If a band plays music that is even remotely dark, then flashing neon green lights are probably not going to help the audience get into the right mental state. As well, the number of bands that get on stage in sweat pants, sports jerseys or any other normal and casual-looking clothing really show that they don't get it. The point is not that dressing a certain way makes you a true Metalhead or not, but if you are on stage then you should at least look the part. Lawyers don't show up to meetings with their weekend clothing and nor should Metal bands, especially those playing Black or Death Metal. That does not mean that you must have some sort of choreographed moves and synchronized headbanging, but at least replace the Garfield t-shirt with the pizza stains with something black. While the music is ultimately the most important thing, aesthetics and presentation cannot be ignored.

The next thing that is likely to ruin a show is a shoddy performance from the band. This could result from any number of things, some voluntary and others involuntary. Sometimes, bands just are not willing or capable of pulling off what they did in the studio in a live setting. In these cases, they should either rehearse more or stick to playing songs that don't require any studio trickery. A lot of times, musicians will just get too intoxicated to properly perform, ending up in a sloppy show for those in attendance. The primary culprit is frequently the vocalist, which can often ruin everything else. Over the years, from Megadeth and Metallica to Cannibal Corpse and Deicide to Watain and even Mayhem, there have been plenty of times where the vocalists were in no condition to give their best and put on a rotten show with worn-out throats because they failed to take proper care of themselves. Or even more irritating is when they appear to forget lines or decide to change up the vocal patterns for whatever reason. This leads to the next point.

People show up at gigs in hopes of hearing their favourite songs performed as they know them from the albums. When the band alters the pace of a song, playing it faster or slower than the original, it ruins the atmosphere more times than not. For one, a lot of bands like to see the crowd headbanging or singing along and this becomes more difficult when a familiar song is turned into something hardly recognizable. If you want to take an already fast song and speed it up a little, that it no big deal. But it is a mistake to take a song that is supposed to be fast and intense and slowing it down so that idiots in the crowd have a better opportunity to mosh. The same goes for speeding up a slower song and robbing it of most of its impact. The time to edit the songs is in the rehearsal room or in the studio before they get recorded for an album. Once you're on stage, stick to the script and just play the songs as they are meant to be heard. Nevertheless, when a band is in top shape and putting forth full effort to do their best to play precisely and to offer a decent show, things still go to hell, more often than not. The main reason for this has nothing to do with the bands themselves, rather it has more to do with the audience.

People are stupid. Naturally, there are exceptions, but the masses are empty and worthless and would be better off utilized as landfill. A lot of people see concerts as a chance to go out and socialize, with no thought to what band is even playing. They are simply there to be seen, to whore around or just looking for an excuse to go out and get drunk. This is the worst offense, as these inebriated mouth-breathers ruin the atmosphere for everyone else, as they are typically engaged in some sort of idiot behaviour. They start fights, make a lot of obnoxious noise, stumble into people as they wander through the venue and generally annoy the hell out of everyone else. The worst is when these subhumans engage in moshing or crowd surfing, among other activities. There is no point in moshing in the first place. It is some sort of primitive and savage custom that is best left to the jungle-dwellers. Anyone that engages in this behaviour needs to be taken out into the alley and shot, point blank. Too many ridiculous people go to gigs for the sole purpose of thrashing around and slamming into each other and this really is not the place for it. Rarely do they ever demonstrate any connection, whatsoever, to the bands that are playing. It often turns out that these losers are hardcore kids that don't even listen to Metal. They just need some noise to add to their tribal mating dances, showing up to ruin the concert for those in attendance that actually paid to see the bands play. The same goes for crowd surfing, particularly those morons that choose to do so from the back and end up just climbing on others and kicking them in the head in their attempt to get up and going. The only amusing part of this is when the imbeciles get dropped on their heads by those that want no part in the whole thing.

That brings up another point. So many of the people are shows are obnoxious as hell and take give no consideration to those around them, in any way. Everyone is enclosed in a small space, trying to get a decent view of the band and pay attention to what they're doing, so anyone with intelligence would think that this would all be taken into account. But that doesn't keep the guy that is standing practically on top of your feet from headbanging wildly and giving you a taste of his shampoo... or lack thereof. It certainly doesn't prevent the other morons from stumbling into you, falling on you or the moshing idiots from slamming into you at the speed of a minor automobile collision. No one wants some drunken dumbass slamming into them every ten seconds, nor do guys in the crowd want to have to take their attention away from the band in order to focus on protecting their girlfriend from being smashed to pieces. In other words, there are still people that spend their money on tickets and go to shows because they want to experience the live performance by the band, rather than going there to be assaulted by strangers. The least these moshers could do is to avoid those that are clearly not participating in their idiocy. Otherwise, there is no need for the dirty looks or fights when someone gets tired of having a sweaty guy slamming into him and decides to shove him twenty feet in the other direction. It's typical of people, these days, to show no concern for those around them as they do whatever they want but to then get offended when someone infringes on their 'right' to negatively affect others. Who are the people that pay their money to attend a gig and to them ignore the band in favour of the aforementioned behaviour? Why even shell out the cash for a show if you intend on spending the whole time slamming into other sweaty men? You'd be better off going to some sort of gay bar and getting the hell away from those that want to enjoy the show, altogether.

Finally, even when the bands are on top of their game and the audience is relatively well-behaved, there are some things that ruin a show right from the start. It may be a personal preference, but there is no reason for so many of the biggest festivals needing to take place during the spring and summer. Nothing ruins the feel of a Black Metal band's set quite like baking in the sun, being drenched in your own sweat and being ready to pass out at any moment. Obviously, not too many people are going to want to arrange to play in the mountains during the middle of winter. Nonetheless, it seems that autumn would be the ideal time for such things. The weather is cool, but not too cold, and it certainly suits the atmosphere that a large number of Metal bands are going for better than the sweltering heat of the summer. Festivals, in general are irritating anyway and would probably still be incredibly lame even if they were moved to a less miserable time of the year. Everything is insanely overpriced, there are too many people and promoters try to cram way too much into the time and space that is available, sometimes. The tickets, themselves, often sell out before the full line-up is even posted so, by the time you realize that you're interested in going, it's either sold out or the only remaining tickets will cost you an arm and a leg.

Most Metal is quite misanthropic and solitary at heart, anyway. In all likelihood, the very best way to experience the music as it was meant to be is to make your own atmosphere. Turn off the lights and tv and computer and just light some candles and soak in nothing but the music, or maybe even read along with the lyrics and look through the booklet to appreciate the efforts that went into its initial presentation. Dealing with Jewish concert promoters and vendors that do all they can to rip you off, as well as the many annoying people that show up to gigs is only going to ruin everything. Even if the concert goes well, chances are that when you try speaking to one of your favourite musicians, you'll only find out that half of them are drug addicts and scumbags. One way or another, there are just too many chances for the whole thing to be ruined and it is all much more of a hassle than it is worth. Sometimes, a pleasant experience sneaks by, but those occasions are rare.

On the Taming of Evil in Black Metal (Dec. 2012)

In the 1980s, Black Metal was a term that denoted any band that was using Satanic or occult themes in their lyrics. Most of the time, the overall aesthetics of the band and their albums matched this. Some bands, such as Bathory, Slayer and Possessed were likely just using this image to come off as extreme. With Venom, it almost seemed like a tongue-in-cheek 'fuck off' to the establishment, more than anything else. Then there was Mercyful Fate, a band that appeared to be taking the occult matters very seriously. In any event, these old bands were adhering to the traditional Rock and Metal attitude of rebelling against the norm. Throughout the '80s, more bands came along to join the Satanic legions, with the likes of Sodom, Hellhammer, Poison, Tormentor and others joining the crusade against Christianity. As the decade wore on, many bands dropped the Satanic lyrics and imagery, which was taken by many as a sign that they were not serious about it. It would be up to the next generation of Black Metal bands to take things to a new level.

In the grim lands of Norway, a scene was developing that was centered around the band Mayhem. As Euronymous and his band mates turned from the gore-inspired themes of their youth to the dark and Satanic approach that would culminate on De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, many of the younger musicians were influenced by this and followed suit. Not content to simply wear cod-pieces and use choreographed moves and pyro, Mayhem did their best to create a morbid atmosphere on stage with the use of rotten pig heads, as Dead cut himself and bled all over the place. Of course, Dead's subsequent suicide was used by Euronymous to further add to the mystique surrounding Mayhem. Some felt that his reaction to, and exploitation of, this death was rather tasteless, but he was determined to show just how serious his band was, compared to those that came before. Concepts of darkness, evil and death were not just lyrical themes; they were a way of life. This ideology crept into many other members of the Norwegian scene, who were not only resurrecting the old Black Metal style, but were adding their own black magic and creating something new. However, the significance of the musical developments in Scandinavia will forever be overshadowed by the extracurricular activities that followed the release of such albums as Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism, Wrath of the Tyrant, Burzum and A Blaze in the Northern Sky. Several of these musicians went on to commit various crimes, most notably murder and church burning. This took things to an unprecedented level. Whereas Venom and Mercyful Fate sang the praises of Hell and Satan, these guys were taking an active part in the war against the oppressive Judeo-Christian establishment, going so far as to burn down historic churches that they felt had no business being built on Norwegian soil. It seemed as if many of them were living in their own world, unbound by the rules that most people take for granted. This was quite evident by the time Varg Vikernes murdered Euronymous. Things were quite out of hand. Churches continued to burn, on and off, and the murders even spread to Sweden, as Jon Nödtveidt of Dissection got himself mixed up with a scumbag that led him down the path toward a prison stay. Clearly, the second generation of Black Metal bands had made a definitive statement that they were more dedicated to Satan, the occult and the destruction of Christianity. However, their behaviour often led to their own personal destruction. Those that followed were aware of the countless downfalls of living such an extreme lifestyle, and most of them backed away from the edge that many had leapt from. Yet they still wanted to be taken just as seriously, if not moreso, than their predecessors.

And so it came to pass that the modern era of Black Metal became filled with musicians that profess to take everything quite seriously; however, while wishing to appear extreme and to be respected in the Black Metal scene, they want no part of the troubles that come along with killing people and burning down houses of worship. As with most people that fear taking actual action, they take the moral high road and claim to be wiser and more mature than the bands that had influenced them. They are very cautious, but desperately want to be taken seriously and have no desire to return to the ways of the '80s, when it looked like most were just using Satanism as a cool and rebellious image. It is understandable that they want to feel as if they are taking things to yet another level. In their case, it is more spiritual. At least, that's what they say. The strange thing is that a lot of these bands that belong to the 'Orthodox' Black Metal camp come off as quite feeble-minded and laughable. The same goes for many associated 'Satanic' organizations, such as the Temple of the Black Light. These people seem as if they spend all of their free time studying scripture, rather than listening to old Bathory records. Their lyrics reflect a severe devotion to the Book of Lies, also known as the bible. Whereas the preceding generations of Black Metal musicians had a firm grip on reality in the sense that they recognized Judeo-Christian mythology as the nonsense that it is and wrote about destroying it, modern bands are true believers in the Great Lie. Erik Danielsson of Watain has stated in interviews that he believes in god and that faith is important for his religious beliefs, going on to remark that he has nothing to say to those that would try to tell him that none of this exists. He is also quoted as stating that religion means everything to him and that those who want to see the destruction of the church are humanists, basically trying his best to rehash some of the views espoused by Euronymous, years earlier. In other words, it is the same as trying to explain to a Christian that Jesus never existed and was nothing more than an amalgamation of pre-existing mythological characters and the fact that anyone that believes in the reality of Judeo-Christian mythology is brainwashed and / or mentally deficient. This breed of theistic Satanists almost seem to be working to the opposite effect of those that came before them; i.e. necessitating the existence and legitimacy of god based on their spiritual stance. Unfortunately, many of today's Black Metal musicians spend more time studying theology than history, and they are willingly brainwashing themselves into believing in one of the greatest hoaxes to ever plague mankind. As a result, they are spreading this filth to their followers.

It is a sad thing that so many humans are afflicted with herd mentality. Most people want so desperately to be part of something, no matter what it is, just so they won't be alone. All too often, Heavy Metal in general has been looked upon as some sort of boys' club or a refuge for rejects. Those that think for themselves or analyze things with a critical mind are more and more in the minority while the sheep continue to follow their misguided shepherds. This is quite prevalent within the Black Metal scene. As if it is not bad enough that we have all of these idiot bands that try to give legitimacy to the bible with how they constantly refer to it as anything other than a work of fiction; the majority of their fans are just as weak-minded as they are. In what can be looked at as a form of idol-worship, many fans these days take on the beliefs of the bands that they listen to. That is not to say that all of them really believe, since it is quite common for people to put on an image that has nothing to do with their true thoughts. Still, a great number of these morons really seem to soak up anything that their 'masters' say. How many people were running around in the underground preaching chaos and talking about this 218 business before Dissection returned, or Watain's subsequent adoption of these themes? Practically no one. But as soon as their favourite bands started spouting off about it, suddenly, the Black Metal scene was filled with new bands and legions of sheep that were obsessed with this. There then came a noticeable shift in what these fans were spending their money on. Less and less were they buying the actual albums or t-shirts or even bullet belts and spikes. Increasingly, they began spending all of their spare cash on occult books and religious texts in general. It all may come down to some huge conspiracy to raise book sales for Jewish occult authors. To further demonstrate the Jewishness of all of this, think of the founder of the Temple of the Black Light. 'Vlad' was a Dissection fanboy and hanger-on that possessed no musical talent of his own and whose only attempt at creating something was a sad imitation of old Abruptum. Yet somehow he managed to weasel into the scene and brainwash Jon to the extent that he was involved in a senseless murder that ruined his life and cost him several years where he could have been making albums with Dissection, as well as convincing him to sign over the rights to Dissection's music, prior to his death. This is not Satanic behaviour. It's purely Jewish. Of course, like many, it looks as if the organization that he spawned just picks and chooses random things from various mythologies, creating their own 

Eventually, the bands and fans alike should realize that training to become a biblical scholar does not make you more evil than the next person, nor does writing lyrics that come off as twisted bible verses make you more intelligent than the older bands that wrote about raping nuns and killing priests. This shift is one reason why the original vocalist for Deathspell Omega left the band, as he saw the writing on the wall. Putting all of this faith into the Great Lie of Judeo-Christian mythology is a sign of mental weakness. If these bands want to one-up those that came before them, without risking jail-time by setting fire to churches or killing people, then the only other option is to actually put some effort toward making worthwhile music. Very few modern bands are even bothering with this aspect of it, preferring to use various gimmicks to try to set themselves apart from the older bands, when it is clear that their music is vastly inferior, in most cases. Even bands that have made decent music lose some respect when they go on talking about their theistic Satanism and how well versed they are in Jewish nonsense. All they are doing is making themselves look ridiculous and contributing to this growing trend. It is sometimes good to understand and know your enemy, but these people would do well to put down the bibles and spend more time with their guitars.