On the Invasion of Europe (Sept. 2015)

That which the old Ottoman Empire failed to fully accomplish, over the course of several centuries, is currently being carried out in a successful manner by much less-sophisticated savages. Forget the the Battle of Tours (October 732) or the Battle of Vienna (September 1683), great victories that were in defense of Europe against the invading Muslim hordes. In this age of white guilt and Jewish propaganda from the mainstream media, the gates of Europe have been thrown wide open and hundreds of thousands of outlanders are flooding the continent. These feral beasts are leaving a path of destruction across the land that our forebears fought and bled and died for and, if something does not change, the demise of the West is imminent. 

Some will say that "we" created the current problem, yet that is both erroneous and an over-simplification. The media is painting this picture of poor refugees fleeing from war-torn Libya and Syria, in fear for their lives. They say that it is the responsibility of Western nations to do the humanitarian thing and to rescue these people. If not, it is tantamount to genocide (when, in actuality, the real genocide is the one being perpetrated against our own people). Nearly everything about this story is being grossly misrepresented. Most of the “refugees” are men in their 20s. The press takes a few money-shots of the minority of women and kids to sew a human-interest story full of disingenuous pathos. They continuously bombard us with images of dead children, tugging at the heartstrings of the brainwashed masses. Any doubts regarding these policies are labeled as xenophobic and selfish. After all, it was through our meddling in these regions that created the instability in the first place, so they say that it is only right that we now do our part in helping the "poor victims". 

First, the majority of the invaders are not from Libya or Syria, nor are they poverty-stricken. For example, it has been reported that 90% of those arriving to Serbia from Macedonia claim to be Syrian, but have no documentation to prove this. Large amounts of discarded IDs are being found, from as far away as Pakistan and Bangladesh, as these invaders rightly believr that it is easier to gain access to Europe as a refugee of war, rather than as as economic migrant. A great number of them are traveling thousands of miles across Africa, from such countries as Somalia, Ethiopia, Nigeria and Mali. These sub-Saharan Africans are nowhere near the warzones, but they are taking advantage of the big giant welcome mat that has been laid at the door to Europe. They are paying smugglers to get them across the Mediterranean and into international waters, with a clever scheme set up to be "rescued" and brought ashore by the coast guard. They are coming to abuse the already-struggling social welfare programs of white countries. 

In fact, their sense of entitlement is really something to behold. As someone who is disabled and homeless, it took me a few years to even consider asking for help from my own government, and yet these parasites are kicking the doors in and holding their hands out and then going so far as to complain and demand more. These supposed "refugees" are not content to reach countries where there is no war. They have stopped fleeing a warzone as soon as they have reached Turkey... or Greece... or Serbia... Most of them are traveling through numerous safe countries to get to Germany, Sweden, Britain, etc. It’s clear that they are economic opportunists, and not all peaceful either. A cook in Italy was stabbed by a bunch of them for not cooking the food they wanted. In Hungary, policemen were stabbed as well by “refugees” and a family driving through Calais back to Britain had a metal rod launched at their car. Then of course, a bunch of them were rioting in the refugee centers regarding their primitive religion in Debrecen, Hungary and again in Germany. Again, true refugees would be happy to escape danger and to arrive in a safe environment. Instead, they are violently demanding to be allowed to travel north to those places that are more likely to shower them with cash and other benefits. They know all about the free handouts in Northern Europe and they are invading in an effort to abuse the system! In Norway, once being granted asylum, they will get residence permits that are good for at least three years and accommodations will be paid by the state for up to five years(!). In Sweden, they are given free housing ahead of actual citizens in need and those that participate in the integration plan (which is a joke in itself) will receive 720 euros a month, even more if they have children. While European citizens suffer homelessness and hunger, well-fed invaders are being welcomed in and given places to live, money, healthcare and even food (that in many cases has been found discarded, as the invaders preferred a different type of free meal). 

To speak of 'integration' is quite a misleading topic, as none of these people have any interest, desire or intentions of integrating into Western societies. They bring their culture with them and want nothing to do with ours. In fact, many openly predict a day when they become the majority and inflict their laws upon Europeans in Europe! The media goes on about diversity and tolerance, and yet the parasites are actually very intolerant to the culture of their new hosts. Already, in an echo of Unni Wikan's message to Norwegian women that they must take responsibility for being raped, simply for "provoking" the poor savages by not being covered head to toe, a school in Germany has reportedly instructed female students to dress more conservatively in order to prevent "misunderstandings" with nearby asylum seekers. In other words, they know that these beasts are likely to rape or kill their girls, but they are putting the responsibility on the potential victims as opposed to putting forth the effort to protect them. As Peter Hitchens wrote, "Mass immigration means we adapt to them, when they should be adapting to us". Rather than come to European/white countries, it would be better for the 'refugees' to seek shelter in nearby, wealthy Arab countries such as Saudi Arabia, UAE, Bahrain, etc. However, instead of taking in their own people, the Muslim leaders prefer to fund new mosques within Europe, to help strengthen the invaders. Furthermore, ISIS has clearly stated that they would exploit this crisis to infiltrate Europe, and still hundreds of thousands of people are pouring in, unchecked, and no one is doing anything about it. There is no logic to the official narrative being pushed by the mainstream media and liberal politicians. 

Middle-Earth is under attack and these foul Orcs are using every advantage at their disposal, exploiting our the weakness and corruption of our rulers. These useless creatures are here to suck Europe dry and abuse the naive and foolish altruism of your typical braindead European. The governments of Europe as well as the idiots running Brussels have failed in their duty to prevent this invasion from taking place and they have only aided in its exacerbation. These people bring crime, disease, and ignorance with them and their continuously growing numbers risks to further destabilize Europe. No one seems to care, except to criticize those such as Kristiina Ojuland, in Estonia, who was quickly deemed a racist for pointing out how the white race and Europe were in danger. There is a lot of talk about racial equality but apparently white and native-European interests don’t matter to the elites. That was clear from the Rottherham scandal when authorities in Britain were more concerned with covering up the rape and abuse of 1,400 (mostly white) girls (and a few boys) for around 16 years by mostly Pakistani men. If you’re white/European and you care about your own kind, you’re instantly a racist and a bigot. Whites are not even allowed to organize for their collective interests and express concerns over their own preservation (but remember, all races are equal apparently).

This victory is, in a large part, due to the traitors that control most of the governments of Europe and in Brussels. The traitor Merkel wants to import 800,000 useless people into Germany this year alone, a country that has one of the lowest birthrates on the planet. This amounts to population replacement, racial replacement, ethnic cleansing, and genocide of the German people. Now she is also attacking her own kind for opposing their own destruction. Of course, your average West German has had guilt-propaganda spewed at them for many decades so that they hate themselves. In which case, it’s no wonder that the only opposition you see is from the prouder Germans of the East. Sad to say, the theme of Germany's weakness and brainwashing is once again central to the erosion of Europe. The Nazi ghost still hangs over many whites, as the Third Reich has been vilified and demonized in every possible manner in the seventy years since WWII. Anything even remotely associated with putting your nation and your people first is considered evil and hateful. Yet, countries like Germany and Sweden are so anti-racist that they have become racist toward their own kind. In other places, such as the UK, they are guilt-tripped by their imperial past. This self-loathing mentality is the product of several decades of brainwashing and indoctrination. Some, such as Dr. Tom Vickers of Northumbria University and Cecilia Wikström of Sweden's Liberal Party, are pushing for legal means for people to invade Europe and to have equal rights as citizens and thus giving them rights to alter the political landscape of Europe as we know it in their favor. They are calling for the death of Europe. As many have been slowly waking up to the failure of multiculturalism, it is no surprise that Left-Wing political parties are fully supporting the influx of invaders. Once naturalized, they and their offspring will likely support more big government, being completely dependent upon it for their survival. These immigrants are future socialist voters. (If you can’t win an election or are having a hard time getting the required majority that you need in parliament, just import a new electorate.) This invasion which European governments have failed to quell is only hastening the decline and permanent transformation of Europe as we know it. The big corporations are firmly on board, as they will also benefit from this in the form of a fresh supply of cheap labour that will also help drive down everyone else's wages. Birthrates throughout the continent are extremely low while meanwhile those of immigrant and minority groups are significantly higher. In fact, what many politicians have been claiming is that migrant workers are needed to maintain their economies, in the face of dwindling birthrates. The truth is the opposite, that this invasion will further wreck European economies and lead to the replacement of the current population. The leaders of Europe are committing cultural and demographic suicide. This has nothing to do with helping refugees and has everything to do with eliminating the ongoing genocide against the white/European race. 

This is an invasion and the militaries of Europe have a duty to their citizens to defend their homelands! Gunships should patrol the coastal waters and open fire on any unauthorized vessels that refuse to turn back. Armies should march on these hordes of violent savages, who have already been destroying property and committing crimes such as assault and rape. The politicians do not care about the common people that are suffering from their decisions. The citizens are not being consulted about whether or not they want to share their homes with yet more violent outlanders. Already, prior to the current crisis, Sweden gained the grim honour of becoming known as the Rape Capital of the West. How many more girls must be raped and killed? How many more shall have to suffer the loss of their freedom and safety? If this is allowed to continue, not only will our people suffer from more acts of violence and a loss of their culture and identity, the economic strain will only hasten the impending collapse and drag us down into the primitive savagery of Africa, if we have not been killed off by then. Leaders such as Merkel are but mere puppets, their strings being pulled by the corporations and banks that own them, who have no loyalty to their blood or soil, they merely seek wealth and power. And, of course, at the head of it all rests a "Chosen People" that run everything from the shadows and have been openly calling for the death of all ethnic Europeans. 

Wake up. Traitors have opened the gates of Middle-Earth to the savage Orcs. They are invading our homelands. The Nazgul that rule our nations serve only one Master, and this “Chosen” need not be named directly. They work for the destruction of our kind. Revolt. Defend yourselves. Open your eyes to what is happening right now. Throw off the shackles of political correctness and grow a backbone. Reject the guilt-propaganda that says we must hand over everything to these people or to be labeled as racist neo-Nazis. Their primary weapons are mere words and once you stop caring about what they call you and insist on spreading the truth and adhering to a sense of justice, it will spread. Eventually, their mind-control will fade. The truth is that multiculturalism and diversity are euphemisms for less white people and population replacement. Refuse to accept the lies being forced upon you, educate yourself and fight to preserve what is left of your heritage. As Adolf Hitler once said, "If, by the instrument of governmental power, a race is being led toward its destruction, then rebellion is not only the right of every member of such a people—it is his duty". The traitors must be removed from power and the people must take things into their own hands and to repel this invasion. 

On European Genocide (Mar. 2015)

Many have been convinced that it is somehow racist to have concern for your race and your culture and to want to preserve these things. Europeans have created the art, literature, architecture, technology and ideals that much of the world has come to value. Whether or not others see any value in our culture, we still have the right to exist as a distinct people, just as much as anyone else does. A lot has been discussed about the birthrates of European countries being below replacement level. This in itself is not a problem. I am not one of those that advocates that every white/European couple to have as many children as possible. In general, there is an overpopulation problem and the current number of 7 billion + is far too much. So a dwindling population in Europe would not be such a bad thing. The problem arises when an alien population is allowed to infiltrate our lands and to be given the same rights as real Europeans, and when they outproduce the native inhabitants, we end up being displaced in our own homelands. The thing is not to try to keep pace with them and pump out as many children as possible, but to enforce border security and to keep them out, to take the ones that have already infested Europe and to uproot and expel them, sending them back to where they belong. Unfortunately, the governments of white/European nations are not interested in the security and well-being of their own people. Rather, they have been pursuing policies that conflict with the interests of Europeans and are leading to our downfall. The question has to be asked then, who is pulling the strings from behind the curtain? What group of people happen to be directing things in this manner, ensuring that Europeans are erased from the face of the earth? Who benefits from destroying everything that we hold dear and dispossessing us of our lands and eradicating our culture? 

Most of us already know who it is that stands to benefit the most from our race embracing a defeatist outlook. One thing that makes me question my own thoughts of nihilism and atheism is the fact that so many of the best-known authors seem to be Jews. Indeed, they appear often to be at the center of this worldwide mass depression that is eating away at the soul of all ethnic Europeans. Even my attempts to study the occult in years past led me to the realization that so many of the writers were Jews, seeking to further poison the minds of Europeans and to drag them farther away from their ancestral practices. The disease known as Christianity also sprang from this corrupt Jewish seed, so it would seem that so much darkness and filth has been spawned in the Middle East... Truly, this hellish region is the source of many of the problems affecting our people, on every possible level. Even the corrupt system of capitalism is nothing more than an extension of Jewish usury, enslaving the masses of the world. The strange thing is that those who wish to see us extinct are not quiet about their intentions, and yet our leaders do nothing but allow it to continue. 

"We intend to turn Europe into a mixed race of Asians and Negros ruled over by the Jews." 

-Count Kalergi-Coudenhove, 1925

In order to see a grim example of their diabolical handiwork, one need look no farther than Sweden. Judeo-liberal policies have turned this once-great kingdom into the rape capital of the western world. Oftentimes, the media will try to cover up the perpetrators by mislabeling them as "Swedes". Whether or not they possess citizenship, they are not and never will be Swedes (or European at all!), nor do they want to be. Muslims make no secret about the fact that they believe that their imaginary god is granting them a wonderful victory: to take over all of Europe without firing a single shot. Throughout history, Muslims have tried to conquer Europe and yet they failed. While Spain and large parts of the Balkans were under Saracen control, they were unable to make their way deep into the heart of Europe and were eventually expelled (with the exception of Eastern Thrace). However, the current open-door policy for these "poor refugees" will enable them to complete the task begun centuries ago, within a couple more generations. This forced Third World immigration allows outlanders to bleed us dry via the welfare systems originally set up to help our own people but now just instruments for parasites to leech off of us indefinitely. Sadly, Swedes have been very successfully brainwashed and indoctrinated since birth and often are completely blind to the ongoing destruction of their homeland. As it stands now, it is very taboo to even bring the subject up, as one is not allowed to criticize other cultures (even when they have the metaphorical curved saber at your throat). Recent generations of Swedes have been brought up to be very docile and passive, even as Swedish citizens are being kicked out in the streets to provide housing for Muslims. Mind you, these are the same filth that complain or riot, with an unbelievable sense of entitlement, because they are not getting precisely the type of free ride that they feel they deserve, showing just how ungrateful these animals really are. At best, most immigrants will become wards of the state, just another collective burden for the brow-beaten Swedes to support. They are not required to learn the language or to otherwise adapt to the culture of their adopted homeland. Even after Muslim terrorist attacks, the government's primary concern was not increasing security or looking after their own people, rather they were worried about a potential rise in "Islamophobia". Political Correctness has a deadly stranglehold on this land. Despite the attacks, riots, rapes, murders and other crimes, most Swedes would rather be killed than to possibly offend anyone. Even the police have largely given up, releasing reports outlining more than fifty "no-go zones" that have basically been ceded to immigrant criminal gangs. They have further demonstrated their spinelessness by announcing that they will be focused on "cultural sensitivity" and “greater understanding of the intercultural perspective.” Meanwhile, Jew-led organizations work to separate the concept "Swedishness from being white". The once proud land of the Vikings is turning into a multicultural hell thanks to their suicidal liberalism. 

Of course, this is not to single out Sweden as the worst, yet it is the country that I am most familiar with, having lived there on and off for several years. There are many reports that are just as disturbing, such as the one politician in Norway whose answer to the growing rape problem simply advised Norwegian women to "adapt the new multicultural society" around them and to try to not provoke the poor dumb animals. This is all utterly disgusting. There is no forced immigration of white/European people into African or Asian countries. They are allowed to have their homelands, yet we are not allowed to have one of our own, safe from all of the misery and crime and death and lowered standards of living that come with the filthy outlanders. There is a process of genocide being carried out against our people and no one is standing up and speaking out about it. Worst of all, due to the holohoax and all of the misplaced guilt that European nations carry as a result of WWII, one is not allowed to say or do anything about it. Yet Jews, such as Noel Ignatiev, can openly call for the destruction of the white race and even told his students on his final day as a college professor that, “if you are a white male, you don't deserve to live. You are a cancer, you're a disease, white males have never contributed anything positive to the world! At least a white woman can have sex with a black man and make a brown baby but what can a white male do? He's good for nothing. Eventually white women can breed out, but my feeling is that if you are a white male, you should kill yourself now". The Jewish position is very clear. Unfortunately, much of the world has been brainwashed into thinking that the death of the white/European race is a good thing. People cry out against the Chinese genocide of Tibetans and yet they either ignore what is happening to our kind or they simply think that we are getting what we "deserve". Almost from birth, we are beaten over the head with how evil and oppressive we have been and how we should strive for diversity and equality and that multiculturalism is progressive and more harmonious. These are obvious lies, and it is becoming more and more clear to the general public. Strange how only whites/Europeans are suffering from this genocide denial; just a quick look through internet forums and comment areas will show precisely what other races think of the idea of white extinction. They are all for it, cheering for our eventual demise. Somehow, while we are not allowed to have the slightest concern for our own fate, without being called "evil racist Nazi scum", Jews and blacks and Muslims can openly rejoice at the thought of our passing and no one bats an eyelash. Ask yourself why this "melting pot" agenda is only for white/European countries and not for Japan or India or Iran or Somalia. If the indigenous populations of any of those countries were being forced to become a minority in their own lands, people would be outraged and screaming "genocide". Yet the eradication of our race is either ignored or treated as a positive thing. No one is going to save us. We must wake up and fight for our own survival. But so many choose to remain asleep.

It is our curse to have been born into this age of decay. We have no true homelands, and we will have to sit by and watch as the last vestiges of what once was crumbles before our very eyes. We will still exist, for a time, lonely wanderers, remnants of a once-great race that shall now soon perish...

Born into Arda Marred (June 2014)

The world has been plunged into darkness. The Black Foe of the World long ago destroyed the light. There are a few of us that carry some memory of the way that things were, in our blood or spirit. However, there are many that were born into this darkness and have accepted it as the norm. In a way, they are corrupted by it, much like Tolkien's Orcs. This realm has been shaped by the forces of darkness, for those same forces. Those of us who are more like remnants of Elves or noble Men do not belong to this damned age. We struggle to survive in a world where everything is so wrong and goes against our very nature. We often find ourselves at odds with every aspect of this existence, simply because this is not our world. The Dark Lord triumphed ages ago. 

Nearly everything in this world has been corrupted. The evil and vile servants of darkness have made it all theirs. Everything is a lie. The masses are either empty vessels merely animated by the will of the Dark Lord to do his bidding, or weak-minded filth that abandoned any concept of "right" in order to get by a little easier. All of the rules have been bent and twisted to favour the false and dishonourable. Things that we see as right and appropriate are now looked down upon and treated as wrong. All previous morals have been reversed, even if those in control still pay lip-service to certain ideas. That is the way of the world, to say one thing and to do another. Only the lying and cheating scum manage to improve their lot in this hell. Yet, for some of us, this is unacceptable. 

Many may be confused and have little idea how to proceed amidst such chaos. Which path should one follow? To uphold some sense of decency and to do what feels right to them, or to follow the herd and to break whatever rules necessary to get another inch or two ahead. At what point does one completely compromise their sense of right and wrong when it has become clear that seemingly no one else is playing by the rules? There is no possibility of changing things within the system, for the system is corrupt and designed by those very forces that oppress and manipulate us. The only choice then is to bring it down, to accelerate its decay and to destroy it utterly. Everything is crumbling, and even the rat-like masses can sense it, and they scurry about and cut a few more corners and stab one another in the back a bit more often, trying to get a better position for themselves before it comes. Is it more noble then to adhere to one's own sense of morality and justice, whether or not it comes into conflict with what we are told and no matter how much it works against us? Or do we give in, join their ranks and let go of our principles just to forgo the pointless struggle against that which we cannot hope to defeat and can only await its demise? Perhaps, it is better to go down fighting and remaining true to oneself, than to bend the knee and to sell out, in an effort to reach for the possibility of an easier existence within the world of Orcs. While it may be difficult to remain honourable in a dishonourable world, deep down those few of us know that this world is not for us anyway.

On Heeding the Call of the Blood (May 2014)

The immigration systems in many European countries are completely backward. Time and again, I have seen the results of this, firsthand. "Poor refugees" from Africa and the Middle East are welcomed in with open arms, given all the help that they need and rewarded for failing to make a life in their own lands by receiving an instant life where they don't belong. On the other hand, actual citizens of these countries are treated like outsiders, in some cases, and suffer neglect at every turn. It is much the same in the United States, where immigrants are encouraged to come and start up businesses and to study for free or to receive government assistance. Meanwhile, their own people starve in the streets. 

Ever since the end of WWII, it seems that governments of white/European nations have actively undermined the security and survival of their own people. They prefer to give aid to other countries before straightening their own houses, so to speak. They not only allow, but welcome, the lowliest of immigrants (rarely are the highly educated and well-mannered of each country the ones to go pouring through the gates into Europe and the US). They arrive and become a drain on the social welfare system and also end up being responsible for many crimes, such as rape. Not long ago, it was reported that one in four girls in Sweden will be raped in her lifetime, and the primary criminals are non-Swedes. Looking up crime statistics in the US shows that non-whites make up a small percentage of the population, yet a large percentage of the crimes are attributed to them. Yet our governments do nothing to protect us, rather they actively worsen the situation. In particular, European nations seem afraid to speak out against this and to do something about it, as the Nazi ghost still hangs over all of us of pale complexion. If we raise a hand to defend ourselves and our lands, we are instantly demonized. It appears that our entire race should simply cower in the corner and die quietly. 

As for the United States, it is mostly a giant toilet anyway and we need not care much for whatever fate befalls these cursed shores. However, the countries of Europe should do something to put a stop to the silent invasion that is eroding it from within and, instead, accept anyone from across the ocean with European ancestry and a desire to return home. I should not have to go through tons of red tape and bureaucratic nonsense to get residency within Europe. It has been less than a century since my forebears made the mistake of traveling over the western sea. My white skin is enough of an indicator of where I belong and we should all be given the opportunity to heed the call of our blood and to return to our ancestral homelands. The 90-day limit for Schengen area countries and the need for various permits to grant someone the right to stay are all a slap in the face to anyone of European ancestry. The fact that I have to sit quietly as someone from Iran tells me that I don't have the proper paperwork to remain in Europe, while they somehow have more right to do so than I, is infuriating. Each time, I end up having to return to an alien land where I do not belong, in a holding pattern for at least three months, waiting to be "allowed" back in by people who prefer to welcome in criminals from Africa ahead of educated, civil descendants of Europe.

Each race has a right to its own homeland. Europe is ours. I, and those like me, have more right to return home than these outsiders that abuse the system and often make the cities unsafe for actual citizens that belong there. The nations of Europe need to grow a backbone and to close the doors to these outlanders and to open them up to those of us that desire to go home, having had enough of living in the wastelands beyond the sea. We should not be condemned to suffer in this wretched "melting pot" of emptiness, surrounded by brain-dead, Judeo-Christian imbeciles, loosened jungle savages and illiterate white trash. Let them have their American nightmare. We wish to heed the call of our blood and to permanently return to Europe, where we rightfully belong.

On Living with Pain (May 2014)

Pain is an ever-present part of existence. Some experience it from time to time, only on occasion, while others of us suffer with it at every moment. When severe, it limits the things that we can do, whether they be for pleasure or survival itself. Intense pain can hinder us from working in order to make a living, thus depriving us of the ability to take care of ourselves. As well, such physical agony can destroy us mentally. All the while, ruining our relationships with others as a nasty byproduct. Others may feel sympathetic, at times, but they never truly understand unless they experience it themselves. (If a person falls down, everyone gets worried, but when he remains there for a long time, they get used to it, or even bothered.)

Life was extremely difficult for me, from the very beginning, but since accumulating various injuries, it has become nearly unbearable and impossible to maintain any sense of what others would consider normal. While working on my degree, I took a fair number of mindless physical labour jobs, since nothing else was available. Each of these consisted of a good amount of heavy lifting and constant movement and intense effort, usually anywhere from ten to fifteen hours a night and, often, for stretches of two weeks at a time with no days off. whenever injuries did occur, the shady management (illegally) avoided following procedures that would have allowed me to seek medical treatment immediately. Instead, I continued working through the injuries, unaware of my rights. In addition to the harsh labour, I was also involved in a series of car accidents that increased in severity with each one (seemingly, I had a target on my back). By the end of 2008, I was no longer able to even attempt working. My back was a wreck, my knee was in such pain that even walking for a short while caused me to limp, and the nerve pains in my arms left me unable to grasp objects much of the time. The excessive pain even kept me from being able to sleep for more than an hour or so at a time. The result of all of this meant that I no longer had a home, since I was unable to work and thus considered useless. (Equally worthless was the degree that I'd earned, in medieval European history). The economic recession did nothing to help matters, either. 

In the years since this all reached its peak, I have suffered endlessly. Being unable to climb out of this hole all on my own, I have been forced to give the benefit of the doubt and trust those that have come along and promised to at least throw down a rope so that I could pull myself out. At some point or another, everyone needs help. Yet, when it became apparent that I was in need of assistance, no one was there for me. "Friends" disappeared and new acquaintances only lied and took advantage of me, for one sick reason or another. After finally seeking government assistance, I was rejected for being the wrong colour, initially. After struggling for quite some time, I was finally thrown a few scraps in the form of barely enough money to keep fuel in my car and a bit of food in my stomach, and health care that was so lousy only the worst doctors accepted it. Of course, repairing my many injuries was not worth their time, so I remained in pain. Those that genuinely did try to become close with me were either tired out from the strain of being around someone in total and complete misery, or just became desensitized to it after a while, as if constant suffering was somehow normal for me. I had only one friend that was there for me during recent years, one who was cursed with a very similar existence and knew all too well what a life of pain was like, but he passed away a little over one year ago. 

The pain has even affected me creatively, as I am often unable to write much at all. This has had a drastic effect on the content of this website, as well as a few attempts to pursue writing as a career. As well, the injuries have left me unable to pick up instruments anymore, so I am forced to rely on others to record the music for my various bands and projects, only being able to perform vocals. Naturally, this means that long periods of time pass where I would have written and recorded the music in no time, were I able to. 

After some years, it became possible to get a bit of medical coverage and to begin taking a medication that was able to make some of the nerve pain more bearable, at least. However, this medication is very expensive and the various times that the soulless government has randomly cut me off, with no reason given, I have either had to struggle to find a way to keep up with the meds or ended up extremely sick for lengthy periods of time, with massive dizziness and nausea, electric shocks in my head and up and down my arms, increased thoughts of suicide, hysterical mood swings that came with no warning and almost no sleep at all. It was pure hell, to say the least. 

As for my mental state, anyone with severe depression knows how difficult the simplest of things can be, already. Add multiple injuries on top of it, and life can become nearly impossible. There have been times where I was in such pain that I had to be physically helped up in the mornings and dragged to the bathroom, for example. This takes its toll on the one helping, but even moreso for the person that has been reduced to such a nothing that he cannot even manage to get himself up out of bed without assistance. In this modern age, a man can hardly be a man anymore as it is, due to the various laws and customs and just the overall shift in culture that has taken place in the past twenty years or so. But when you are physically unable to do things that you should be capable of, it is really damaging to the psyche. Imagine being a man, going to pick up some groceries with your girlfriend, and then having to let her carry the heavier bags despite her being half your size, because it would cause you a lot of extra pain to do so. Or trying to find a somewhat less-painful position to sit in and then having to ask for someone to prepare your food (when there is any to begin with) because it is too tiring to manage and moving would be too agonizing. This is entirely depressive for a man to have to go through, unable to even feel like a real man anymore. 

Depression, alone, makes it hard to manage even simple things. Injuries and endless pain make those activities more difficult than some might imagine. Then the circle continues, as this deepens the depression and makes the person suffering from such pain feel absolutely worthless in every possible way. To go from trying to remain honourable in a dishonourable world, striving to improve myself and crippling myself to pay for an education and then end up living in my car for stretches of time, occasionally having to steal food to survive and all for nothing, as the immense pain and misery never go away... I have no idea why I am not yet dead. Even more discouraging is the fact that I know there are plenty of people out there that have it just the same or even far worse. So, I know that there is no help coming, just like there is none for most of them. Life is not a Disney movie. People have existed for no reason, suffered horribly and died alone for thousands of years. I am neither the first nor the last. 

Perhaps, this is all pointless. There is no solution for my situation. I am on my own and doomed to a fate that I cannot escape. However, if you are close to a person that is struggling against similar circumstances, make an effort to be more understanding and sympathetic. Stop scrolling through pointless things on your smartphones for a little while and be considerate of those in your life. Never assume that their condition is "normal" just because it has persisted for a long time. If you actually care, do what you can to make their lives better, not worse, and be glad that you get to live your life without immense debilitating pain.

On Suicide (July 2013)

Suicide is a very controversial subject, to say the least. Just the word, itself, stirs up a lot of strong feelings in many people. There is something very powerful about the act of going against every natural instinct for self-preservation and making the decision to end your own life. Every creature on earth, no matter how large or small, will do anything in its power to continue to survive. The same is true for most humans. This explains why so many will opt to persist even if they are kept alive by machines and have absolutely zero quality of life. Yet the act of committing suicide is to cast away these chains and to overcome the dominant instinct that is a characteristic of every living thing on the planet. As well, it is to conquer the fear of the unknown; the fear of death that so frequently is the only reason a lot of people fight, claw, and scratch to prolong their existence. But some are more than willing to accept death. They not only look forward to it, they seek to hasten its arrival.

Of course, there are many reasons for suicide. Often, it is a matter of complete hopelessness; of enduring absolutely unbearable pain, whether it be mental or physical or both, with no end in sight. In such cases, killing oneself may be the only logical choice, regardless of how hard it is for others to accept this. At times, there may be no clear indications of why a person is miserable, as they may be very depressed despite not having such bad circumstances. Some people are simply more "awake" than the masses. They see the world around them from a completely different perspective. In fact, they see something entirely different from what most others see. That is not to say that they are more intelligent, though it is often the case. These people see through the illusion of this world and are horrified by it. What they see is the utter nightmare that this world truly is. Unconcerned with the trivial things that distract so many, they can feel the true emptiness of the modern age. They can sense the pointlessness of everything. No matter what we do, in the end, it is all meaningless. Living in this false realm is seen as a curse to such individuals. When coupled with deeper mental and/or physical agony, it may be too much to bear.

Suicide is looked down upon for many reasons. One of the major causes for this is that others are too afraid to follow the same path. Misery loves company and those who are too afraid to leave this world behind, and wish to cling to whatever false hopes they can, are bothered to see some that refuse to participate in the great lie. Usually, they do not even like to associate with someone that sees through it all and speaks the truth. It shakes their own fragile existence and the untruths that it is built upon. They fear those who take things into their own hands and end their lives because, deep down, they know that they could never do such a thing. This also cheapens life, in a sense, shattering yet another illusion for those that want to think that human life is so precious and special. For someone to reject this "gift" and to go into the unknown, it somehow makes those left behind feel even more weak and afraid. They come up with many excuses, telling suicidal people to think of those that they will be saddened by their choice. Yet what are those people doing to make things better? It is asinine to think that someone continue to suffer and exist in pure hell just for the purpose of sparing others the temporary sadness that would come as a result of their suicide. Anyone that truly cares, if they cannot help a suicidal person, should at least be understanding enough to not let their selfish desires get in the way.

One of the reasons that suicide is looked down upon is simply because there are a lot of people that do it for no reason. Or, rather, they do it for the wrong reason. I do not agree with those that end their lives based on nothing more than an extreme emotional reaction to something. A teenage girl that kills herself because a classmate called her ugly or a young boy that shoots himself because his first girlfriend dumped him would both be examples of senseless deaths. They often call suicide a permanent solution for temporary problems. In those cases, that is very accurate. However, when a person has problems that simply have no solution, it is a different matter altogether. Even the most idiotic people sort of understand when a terminally ill person chooses to die. Unfortunately, there are other instances where a person is completely hopeless and has no chance for a decent life, but they are scorned because they don't happen to have a recognizable disease. Sometimes, a person simply realizes that there is no hope. Even someone of fairly average intelligence should be able to recognize patterns and to use logic to predict what will happen. When one has been trapped in an endless cycle of suffering, for years and years, even a complete idiot can realize that it is not likely to change. Obviously, trying different approaches to solve the problems and alleviate the misery might be beneficial. One should not opt for suicide without trying everything they possibly can. Once all of those options are exhausted, reaching out to others for help is the next step, though degrading. Whether begging help from friends, family, social welfare institutions, etc. these things should at least be attempted. If outside assistance still fails to change the circumstances in any possible manner, then it is rather safe to say that the course is unalterable and that one can either accept their fate and suffer until they gradually grow old and die, or they can take things into their own hands and still do whatever necessary to end the agony.

It may be hard for many to accept, but sometimes dead is better. After suffering a lifetime of misfortunes; i.e. physical and mental abuse, molestation, neglect, homelessness, abandonment, injuries, constant physical pain, severe depression, lack of friends or family to provide any sort of safety net and so on, one may rightfully look at the evidence and conclude that nothing is going to get better. Year after year of things only getting worse, with no sign of improvement and no new ideas or strategies and no one to offer help, would appear to indicate that one could expect only more of the same. Naysayers will often point out that they know of someone that came from an even more brutal background and still managed to overcome it all to make a pleasant life. It may be true that "Mr. X", down the street or on the other side of the planet, had worse circumstances and and even more difficult life. Some have it better than others and some have it worse. Yet that does not change anything. Not all people are equipped with the same tools and coping mechanisms, for one. In addition, nearly every person that I have ever heard such a tale from also went on to say how they would never have survived to make it if one or more people had not helped them along the way. Whether with advice or support or more concrete forms of assistance, there is almost always some other person that intervened and aided them in their rise from the abyss. When someone is completely alone, lost in the dark with no idea where to go or what to do or who to turn to, only misled by liars and those who would take advantage of the situation rather than help... there comes a point where that person should assess the situation and to decide if there is any chance of repairing things or if continuing to exist will only prolong their pointless suffering. For those that are weak-minded and fearful, it may be about quantity over quality. Even serving a life sentence in prison and being raped on a daily basis may be preferable to death for most. Still, some people simply cannot accept this. Surviving just to suffer, with no chance of escaping this hell, is just not worth it. Increasing pain and deepening depressing, with no real hope of bettering things is pure hell and is no way to live. In fact, it is not even worth being called "life". So then, if one is not truly alive, is it even possible for them to die?

When existence is so empty, save for the pain, agony, misery, despair, sorrow, loss, hopelessness, hunger, solitude, homelessness and so on, is it not better to put an end to this? For those that have used their brains to their fullest extent and still failed to solve such problems and to improve their conditions, as well as reached out to anyone and everyone that they possibly could (to no avail), I think it is perfectly acceptable for them to then consider the only option that they have left. It is not even a matter of seeking happiness and love and fulfillment and success and all of that. The point is that if someone is in constant torment -- physically, mentally and emotionally -- there is always one final option when all others have failed. Death solves all problems. Like the title of the well-known Dissection instrumental says, "no dreams breed in breathless sleep". When death has come, all nightmares end. The torment is over. For some, there are other methods of escaping the countless horrors of this existence. Yet for others, there is only one path to lead them beyond this hell.

A Tribute to David Parland (Mar. 2013)

 

On the 19th of March, the Metal community lost one of the most gifted musicians to emerge from Sweden during the formative years of the Black and Death Metal scene of the early '90s. David Parland's musical legacy cannot be denied. He was responsible for the creation of both Necrophobic and Dark Funeral, among other bands. Though each has gone on their own paths since parting ways with him, it is safe to say that neither band would exist today without the impressive foundation laid down by this man. For that, members and fans of both bands owe this man a debt of gratitude.

Like many teens in the 1980s, David took an early interest in Metal, starting with traditional bands but soon gravitating toward the more extreme side of things. With a passion for the likes of Bathory, Slayer and Morbid Angel, he picked up the guitar and taught himself how to play. Already in high school, he formed his first bands. Eventually, with Joakim Sterner and Stefan Zander, Necrophobic was formed. One could tell, even from the Slow Asphyxiation demo that this band had something that most of their peers were lacking. By the time they released their first full-length, The Nocturnal Silence, it was clear that Necrophobic had something very special. Much of this should be attributed to David's songwriting brilliance. It was his sense of melody and his way of conveying the darkness that he felt in this world that made those songs what they are. With so much creativity within him, David was not content to just play Satanic Death Metal. Soon after, he joined with Ahriman and formed one of Sweden's best-known Black Metal bands, Dark Funeral. With the self-titled E.P. and The Secrets of the Black Arts, he created enough momentum that this band is still going today, despite the severe decline in quality since his departure. Within a short time, he had left both bands, even though he'd written the majority of the material for Necrophobic's sophomore effort, Darkside. The reason cited was that there were personal differences. Anyone that has ever made music with David will say that he can be difficult to work with, at times. I know this from our time working on a project a couple years ago. The thing that people may not realize is that he was a perfectionist. He had a true artistic vision and could not accept anything less than 100% effort from those around him because that is what he gave, himself. Music was not a casual hobby for him. It was the greatest passion of his life. This was quite evident when he spoke of his intentions for Infernal. Though the band only released a few extended plays, he was determined to put together a full-length album. The truth is, he could have done so years ago, but he did not feel that all of the ingredients were right. If the line-up or the material did not completely meet his expectations, there was no way that he would release an album just for the sake of doing so. He believed in quality over quantity. Anyone familiar with his work should already know this. And, really, his musical career is well-documented and there is little than I can say that would be news for anyone. But I would like to speak a little about David Parland, as a human.

David and I met during, what can be considered, the darkest periods of each our lives. The first time that I spoke to him, it was the typical sort of contact that one would expect, merely expressing my gratitude for the music that he had created and how important it had been for me. He soon saw my website, initially to see what had been written of his bands, then reading much more and complimenting my work. After some time, our conversations went beyond music. We discussed the various trials and tribulations of existing in this world. Each of us were at very low points and struggling just to remain alive, trying to cope with unbelievable amounts of misery and solitude, enduring great pain (mental and physical) as well. Through this darkness, we bonded and became as brothers, each finally finding someone with which to share every single thought, not worried about being misunderstood or criticized. Even if we were just feeling completely hopeless or frustrated with every aspect of life, we could rant to one another and find some compassion and even encouragement to continue on. Many nights, we would practically write short novels to one another, back and forth, for hours on end. Due to nerve damage, I could not always write for a long time without suffering in agony, so I began making voice recordings from time to time, in place of emails. He responded by making videos with his phone, talking to me for an hour or two at a time. For a long while, this was the most human interaction either of us had. Anyone that has been in a similar situation can probably understand how important it is to find someone that truly understands and can empathize with you. To encounter someone that sees the world in a very similar way and thinks and feels the same, as well as experiencing the same kind of problems... there was something very comforting in this. No matter how many people abandoned or mistreated us in our time of need, we were always able to reach out to one another and know that we could find some sort of understanding and friendship, even if we were on opposite sides of the ocean.

There were several times when I was ready to give up on life, and David was there for me as a true friend. He didn't hesitate to make an international call and cost himself $200 to speak to me and make sure that I was alright and stable enough to not do anything dangerous. Though we each talked and thought of death a lot, we would often try to give encouraging words to the other. There were also times when I had nowhere to stay and no money for food, and he sold off some musical equipment to get money to wire to me, so that I could get a room for a few nights or to feed myself. He really was like an older brother, looking out for me. I tried to do the same and return the favour whenever I was able, later getting and sending him one of the pieces of equipment that he had earlier sacrificed for me. The truth is, I could never repay him for what his friendship has meant to me over the past five years or so.

The last time I visited him was this past November. The tone of our typically sombre messages changed drastically, the moment that I told him that I was on my way. He was more excited than I had seen him, probably ever. During my few weeks there, we managed to hang out about every other night. There wasn't a whole lot to do, and we were both in too much pain to get out to the forest or cemeteries and walk around for too long. Still, we managed to visit various pubs and coffee shops and to spend countless hours talking and actually sharing some laughs. He had a great sense of humour and when he smiled his eyes seemed two decades younger. He spoke fondly of the past, his deeper involvement in the music scene some years earlier, rehearsing with his bands, playing live and so on. Similarly, his face would light up when he began talking about his plans for Infernal, how he wanted to get his life back on track and focus on his music, as well as the Bathory tribute album that he had been pouring so much time and effort into. He was so lively and seemed more awake than ever before. Even though it was often tough to get him motivated to get up and get out, once I did, I think it was really good for him. One night, we ran into some members of a local band and ended up going back to their rehearsal space for some hours, though they had no idea who David was. As we were talking about music, one of them mentioned Necrophobic and I pointed out that they were sitting in the same room with the man that created that band. He was too modest to bother speaking up first and telling people of his accomplishments. But once they found out, they were asking him questions and he was smiling and sharing more stories. At one point, someone handed him a guitar and he began playing various songs, from old Bathory and Slayer to Necrophobic and Infernal. For us, a couple of bitter misanthropes to be socializing with strangers and having a nice time, this was unexpected for each of us. And yet it was a really great night that extended until about 5am. It showed that were were both capable of functioning a little better, if only life would cut us a break once in a while. 

Not long after this, my depression reared its ugly head again, partially because I knew that I would not be able to remain there in a place where I actually had some purpose and friendship, and would have to return to an existence of absolute nothingness. David was the only one to see the warning signs and was texting me constantly, to check on me. When he was unable to reach me for some hours (due to me not having credits on the phone), he got very worried and was calling every place that we regularly visited to see if I was there. He even called the police, trying to see if they had any information, as he suspected the worst. When we finally met up, he was very much shaken and I could tell how stressed he had been, not being able to contact me after my extremely negative message. The following week, the pain and hopelessness got to be too much for me and I ended up attempting to end my life anyway. David Parland was the only person that was there for me and the only one that cared. He knew exactly what I was feeling and understood completely, yet he still didn't want to see his friend die. Even in recent months, as we bother continued to get hit with one more terrible thing after another, we remained in contact and tried to be supportive in whatever way possible. Being on another continent and unable to return to Sweden as soon as I'd have liked, I made attempts to contact various acquaintances and ex-bandmates of his to let them know that he was in bad shape and urging them to reach out to him and to help. Most of those messages were ignored, while some of the replies that I received were nothing but apathetic. I can't help but feel bitter toward those that knew him longer and were actually close by, yet did nothing. That certainly wasn't the kind of half-hearted friendship that he deserved. I've often said that when people look at someone in need and say that they "wish they could help", that the truth is that they would only do so if it was 100% convenient and required no sacrifice on their part. David understood what real friendship was. He didn't turn his back on those in need, as most people do. I want to extend my most genuine gratitude toward those few people that truly offered him friendship and support in his final days.

David Parland was the kind of man that, while he was opinionated and tough to work with sometimes, he would do anything in his power for those that he cared about. He may have been misanthropic toward the masses, in general, but he was fully capable of caring for people on an individual basis. He was even forgiving to those that caused him massive grief and, maybe, didn't deserve his forgiveness. A lot of people know him for his musical contributions and, it is true, he has left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. Many will mourn him only as someone they looked up to or because he's no longer around to record more music for them to appreciate. But those of us that knew him on a deeper level, we know that he was more than just a brilliant songwriter. He was an intelligent, thoughtful, funny, generous, kind and understanding man that suffered far too much in this rotten world and has gone far too early. He often said that he would not live to an old age, but that he at least wanted a few good years; to record and release one more album with Infernal and to find love and settle down for a while. Though his final days were incredibly difficult, it seemed that some of these things were beginning to fall into place. He deserved a chance at a peaceful life. He's now lost that. And I have lost more than a friend. I've lost a brother.

He will be forever missed. Let us honour his memory, always.

R.I.P. 26.9.70 - 19.3.13